The Forgotten Children of Autism…Siblings

Autism siblings, now there is a group of people you rarely hear about.  They are the forgotten Children of Autism.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you will know that I am passionate about autism awareness. As a mother of a 24-year-old autistic daughter.  I have a great longing to help people understand and even marvel at the beauty of autism.  I want to help people understand my daughter, treat her well, and see her as a gift!

Now here’s the rub…I have 5 other valuable and important children!  Each one of them has gifts and talents and needs to be loved, valued, and protected.

Over the past 2o years in the autism community, I have witnessed the same problem over and over.  It is a troubling trend, families with autism tend to focus only on the child with autism and not on the brothers and sisters.    It can be horrible to stand by and watch a family ignore their other children and then to realize it is taking place in your family too!   Autism sibling’s needs are brushed to the side to accommodate the most difficult member of the family.  I am certain that most parents do not do this on purpose but rather are so overwhelmed by their difficult autistic child and are so burned out that they can’t even think straight!

I know, I have been there! I don’t write this post to say that our family has done it right all the time.  We have not.  It grieves me to say we have not! Our 5 other children have been asked to take second place more times than I can count.

I thought it might be helpful to hear

what it is like to have a sibling with autism.

It is important for people to understand that autism does not just affect one person.  It affects everyone in the family, so the focus should not just be on the autistic child.  It should be for the whole family.  Carrie age 16

Autism does not define us but it does affect us all equally.  Hannah age 22

It is very hard sometimes but sometimes it is nice.  Sarah age 13

People think autism is about one person but it’s not.  Fredy age 24

It’s a more frustrating friendship than usual.  So, you cherish the times when you communicate effectively and pleasantly.  Andrew Age 18 

If you would like to read more about what my children have said about having an autistic sister, please read my book CHOSEN: One Family’s Journey with Autism.  They wrote a chapter, it is unedited and enlightening!

As I reflect on my now grown family, look at their lives, and see that they are growing into godly, healthy well-adjusted adults.   I am contemplating just how this took place, especially as autism siblings?   I see that God in his infinite grace guided us to put into place a safety net of sorts,

Prioritizing Autism Siblings

1. Consistent prayer for our children.

2. Spend one on one time with each sibling at least once a week.

3. Apologize when you blow it and restore the relationship between you and your children.

4. The family rule, “Tell the truth and ask for what you need”.

5. Keep your children safe from violent behavior at all costs.

6. Go to counseling with a godly and wise counselor if needed.

7. Ask for help from extended family, your church family, or hire help.

8. Foster a Christian Worldview that helps every child in the family (including the autistic child) see that they are not the center of the universe.

9. Help each child develop a personal relationship with Jesus so that they can worship God through prayer and service as well as go to Jesus with their hurts and problems.

10. Help each child see they are an irreplaceable part of God’s plan to make the world a better place.  Making the world a better place starts at home.

Are you interested in more information about autism? CLICK HERE!

YOUR TURN…

What are some things that you are doing to cherish the “other” children of autism?

Blessings,

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