Janelle Esker The Heart of Discipline is LOVE…I think many people believe that discipline is the most important aspect of good parenting. I would respectfully disagree. I believe that the Bible teaches that relationship is the cornerstone of good parenting. Our individual parenting skills should be a reflection of the relationship we have with God’s children to our Heavenly Father. Our obedience is an overflow of our loving relationship with our Father in heaven. So, our children’s obedience should be a response to their loving relationship with their earthly parents.
In order to be effective disciplinarians, we must first have a wholesome and loving relationship with our children. The relationship determines whether or not the discipline will be successful.
What you ask is successful discipline?
It is when a child’s heart is turned toward you,
and God and is truly repentant.
The child’s relationship is lovingly restored
toward you and toward God.
There are a quite a few ways to discipline a child. Thousands of parenting books have been written with tons and tons of innovative ideas on how to effectively discipline. Some are quite good. However, the only method of disciplining your children that are worth using are the ones God set out in his word. When I decide to do what is right in my own eyes I am putting my children in real danger. (I know myself pretty well and I can come up with some child-rearing ideas that are real hum-dingers!) Put your trust in God’s ways and not your own. Your children’s well being is at stake.
That leads us to the question of how and why God disciplines his own children. That truth will give us a glimpse into how we should discipline our own children. We also are incredibly blessed to have God’s word on the subject of parents and children. The book of Proverbs is filled with wonderful parenting advise.
The Lord’s discipline is a response to His love for us and His desire for each of us to be holy. In Proverbs 3:11-12 we see God’s heart. “My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in”. God’s relationship with us means that He must discipline us with consequences for our sinful behavior. When God is disciplining us, he is teaching us, correcting us and transforming us. This must also be at the heart of disciplining our children.
When we look at the book of Proverbs we see that disciplining a child often includes using the rod. In our modern day language that means “spanking” a child. A word to the wise, never, ever spank in anger. That is a sure fire way to ruin your relationship with your child. The root of the discipline we must administer to our child is love. We know from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 that Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
One of the ways my husband and I kept from spanking in anger (and don’t think for a minute we were not tempted!) is by having the “If…Then Chart” posted. We could then discipline using scripture and pre-determined consequences for disobedient behavior, It is all written down on the chart! If you have never checked out Doorposts Ministry then do it now. I think I have used most of their excellent materials over the duration of parenting six children. They even have some new charts available!!
One last word…
Discipline should be used to restore the relationship between your child and God. Good discipline not only changes the behavior but the heart too. Effective discipline leads to repentance and repentance leads to restoring the relationship between your child and God.
Are you interested in other areas of parenting? Check out my other parenting posts HERE.
YOUR TURN…
How do you encourage your relationship with your children?
Blessings,
What beautiful eye-opening writing. The “fear of God” is very powerful for my youngest. He is always wanting to please God and my husband and I. I had never thought of this as discipline though.
Thanks for your comment Christina! I love how God’s love is made manifest in his discipline!