Janelle Esker My Child Wants To Be With Me, ALL THE TIME, what do I do? I have heard this question a million times and I have also heard it answered poorly, over and over again. It is time to talk about the truth of why this happens to children and what to do about it from a biblical perspective. Today, we will provide healthy insight into our child’s behavior and our own. Relationships are a two-way street.
As a teacher by trade, a mom of six, and a homeschool mom of twenty-two years, I could write a book on child development and behavior. I must confess to being incredibly interested in the conduct of humans in general. Why do people do what they do? What is the root cause of the issue? How does the environment contribute to the actions and speech of people?
We must honestly acknowledge that when discussing our children’s behavior, we must also evaluate our own “doings”. This is hard because we all have blind spots and sin areas, that we are not yet, aware of. We are all a work in progress and I am so thankful God is patient with us.
May I ask you to do a brave thing?
Will you invite a godly older woman, who knows you well, and ask her to pray and seek God for wisdom for you? Ask her to speak specifically about your parenting, marriage, and blind spots. (Here is what happened when I did this.)
Parenting Truths…
- Motherhood is a full-time job. It is a woman’s life’s work if she has been blessed with a child. Parenting will not flourish when there are distractions from the loving relationship between a mother and her child.
- Know yourself and what you need. We are all intimately created, by a loving God, for a predestined purpose. God cares deeply about your needs. Understand what brings you joy and if you are an introvert or an extrovert.
- Fill yourself up with God before you start your day. Understand, that you are not able to do anything without Jesus. His power is made perfect in your weakness. Ask Him for help and guidance.
- Busyness distracts us from the critical business of loving our children well. Look for the root cause of every behavioral issue.
- Rightly prioritize your life. Remember that your relationship with God is your first priority, your husband is next, and your children after that.
- It is unnatural for mothers and children to be separated.
My Child Wants To Be With Me, ALL THE TIME
What Do I Do?
The easiest thing to do, to solve the problem is to be with your children. The gift of time between a mother and her beloved child can not be substituted. Structure your life so that you are available to meet your child’s needs. Do you work full-time? Move to part-time. Do you work part-time? Move to stay at home full time.
Now hear me loud and clear, I am not saying that you as a mother, should not have breaks or participate in self-care. I am saying that there is no way around the truth, our children need our devoted, undistracted love for as much time a day as humanly possible.
The majority of inappropriate childhood behavior is a result of not giving that child enough dedicated time. In which we as mothers actively listen, communicate, and understand what is going on in a child’s life. There are exceptions for sure (I am a mom of an autistic child) however, the formation of relationships builds trust. Our children need to trust us completely. Trust builds security and a secure child can be on their own for activities like creative play, organized activities with other children, and adventures. In essence, if you feel your child is manipulating you it is probably that they need more of you.
If your child wants to be with you all the time, there is a legitimate reason that you need to explore. A toddler or infant is non-verbal, but there are still ways to understand and meet their needs. One of the best ways is baby-wearing. There is a plethora of wraps, slings, and carriers to keep your child close. An added benefit is that while they are with you, you can work on the many things a mother and wife accomplish every. single. day. No matter what age your child is, pause and listen. Ask God to help you clearly understand the situation.
Please, please take into consideration age-appropriate behavior. Again, please pray for discernment to determine if your child needs discipline or just more mommy and daddy time. Mothers and children were never meant to be separated for long periods. A day of detachment can feel like an eternity to a child.
Important Motherhood Reminder…
You will never be a perfect mother, there is grace and peace that is bestowed on God’s children. God just asks us to do the best we can, in the circumstances we find ourselves in. When we mess up, seek God’s forgiveness and walk in the freedom that only comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is enough when we feel like we can’t go on another moment. Ultimately, God provides for you and your children!
Lastly, I want to leave you with a friendly reminder. If you are struggling don’t let pride get in the way of getting the help you need. Seek out a trusted pastor, Christian counselor, or a godly older woman who will biblically talk things over. If you feel like you may be suffering from postpartum depression, please head to a trusted medical professional for help. The community of Christ is a gift! We need each other to make our way through this often difficult life.
YOUR TURN…
What is the most difficult part of motherhood for you?
Peacefully Yours,
Janelle
*This post may contain affiliate links. Thank you for supporting The Peaceful Haven!
